So, I joined a kickboxing gym today.
Last time I exercised at a gym or class? 2013. Yes, 2013; that's six years ago! Even then I didn't stick with it. I've never stuck with anything in regards to fitness and exercise. I think about exercising and joining a gym quite a bit, but more often than not I make excuses as to why I can't -
They don't have classes when I can go!
They don't offer child care!
They are too expensive!
I rather hire a personal training instead of just gong on my own
I'm too fat and out of shape!
People will laugh
I would rather join [something not local to me] but it's not convenient to me!
Everyone on their facebook page/website looks so IN shape. I can't do this.
My belly is too big, I won't be able to do many of the exercises
I'm so fat that people will think I'm pregnant.
All of these thoughts (and then some) are continually running through my head. I need to squelch them and show myself some grace. Just getting started, talking to someone (on the phone!!) was a MAJOR hurdle for me. I did it though, I talked to someone, they reassured me that I could go at my own pace, there were lots of others in my situation (overweight, haven't exercised in a while) , etc. They offer classes when I can go.
So I go tomorrow at 10am for my first class. Opening day. Will it be too crowded?
As I sit here, I'm both excited and I can feel my brain trying to find ways to get me to back out of it. I feel it inside me, that little thought pestering me and trying to gain footing in my brain. I'm nervous and anxious for the class itself of course but what's bothering me the most is I'll show up and everyone will be in shape and ready to go and I will feel their judgment. It doesn't matter if it's real or not honestly.. I perceive others judging me all the time and I have a hard time managing it. My head plays "their" thoughts over and over until (I guess) I actually start to believe them.
"Look at that fat girl, what's she doing here?"
"I bet she won't be able to last the class"
"Her belly is huge, is she pregnant?? Can you do this while pregnant?"
"Thank god I don't look like HER"
In reality, I am hoping that nobody is really thinking these things. But, in my messed up head, everyone is thinking this stuff everytime they look at me or talk to me. My anxiety amplifies ot the point where I get to "fight or flight" mode, and I either don't show up, or I quit and never come back.
Anyway, for now I'm squelching the voice in my head trying to sabotage me. I'm going to the class tomorrow morning. I'm even a bit excited to go! I'll hopefully have a great time and feel good about myself. I'm starting to try and listen for the voice in my head that will cheer me on and be my encouragement instead of that nasty voice trying to break me down. I CAN do this!
Last time I exercised at a gym or class? 2013. Yes, 2013; that's six years ago! Even then I didn't stick with it. I've never stuck with anything in regards to fitness and exercise. I think about exercising and joining a gym quite a bit, but more often than not I make excuses as to why I can't -
They don't have classes when I can go!
They don't offer child care!
They are too expensive!
I rather hire a personal training instead of just gong on my own
I'm too fat and out of shape!
People will laugh
I would rather join [something not local to me] but it's not convenient to me!
Everyone on their facebook page/website looks so IN shape. I can't do this.
My belly is too big, I won't be able to do many of the exercises
I'm so fat that people will think I'm pregnant.
All of these thoughts (and then some) are continually running through my head. I need to squelch them and show myself some grace. Just getting started, talking to someone (on the phone!!) was a MAJOR hurdle for me. I did it though, I talked to someone, they reassured me that I could go at my own pace, there were lots of others in my situation (overweight, haven't exercised in a while) , etc. They offer classes when I can go.
So I go tomorrow at 10am for my first class. Opening day. Will it be too crowded?
As I sit here, I'm both excited and I can feel my brain trying to find ways to get me to back out of it. I feel it inside me, that little thought pestering me and trying to gain footing in my brain. I'm nervous and anxious for the class itself of course but what's bothering me the most is I'll show up and everyone will be in shape and ready to go and I will feel their judgment. It doesn't matter if it's real or not honestly.. I perceive others judging me all the time and I have a hard time managing it. My head plays "their" thoughts over and over until (I guess) I actually start to believe them.
"Look at that fat girl, what's she doing here?"
"I bet she won't be able to last the class"
"Her belly is huge, is she pregnant?? Can you do this while pregnant?"
"Thank god I don't look like HER"
In reality, I am hoping that nobody is really thinking these things. But, in my messed up head, everyone is thinking this stuff everytime they look at me or talk to me. My anxiety amplifies ot the point where I get to "fight or flight" mode, and I either don't show up, or I quit and never come back.
Anyway, for now I'm squelching the voice in my head trying to sabotage me. I'm going to the class tomorrow morning. I'm even a bit excited to go! I'll hopefully have a great time and feel good about myself. I'm starting to try and listen for the voice in my head that will cheer me on and be my encouragement instead of that nasty voice trying to break me down. I CAN do this!
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